So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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