so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
