Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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