i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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