don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
