We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
