you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
