I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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