____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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