just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
