Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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