dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
