I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
