We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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