; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
