You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
