with your own penis?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
