i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
