please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
