The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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