Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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