Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
