Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
