She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
