Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
