Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
