Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
