just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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