Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
