how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
