Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
