hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
