when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
