i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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