I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
