Cold hands, warm shart.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
