She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
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My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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