She is in my trunk
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
