did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
