hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
