literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
