I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
