well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's get the cat blown out
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
