We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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