My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
