PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
