So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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