u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
