I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
