Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just invented taco cereal.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
