we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
