I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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