we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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