Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
