Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
