i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
