I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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