Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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