I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
