Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
