Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
