I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
