he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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