why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
