My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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