So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
