I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
