Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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