Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
