I accidentally had phone sex last night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
