Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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