OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
