i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
