He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
