Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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